There wasn’t awkward silence. There wasn’t music in the background. No butterflies or a goodnight kiss. There was just good conversation, good food and some laughs. I’d give it 7/10 for a first date.

It’s been three or four months since my last date, and that was when I flew to a different state to visit a guy I had been talking to for a few months. Two very different situations. I have to say, all in all, it went well. He’s a nice guy and I think we will go out again, but I don’t think we will be more than friends.

Here’s the challenge: I’ve been through a lot this year (already) and last year too – especially in the relationship (situationship) department. My heart is guarded. As much as I want to dive in to something with someone and allow myself to ‘love’ again, I’m not going to – I’m just not ready.

We talked about a lot on our date, he could tell I’m not in a place to be with someone. He’s understanding – as nice guys always are – and would still like to see me again, even if just as friends.

Dating is difficult because we meet people like ‘the nice guy’ and we try to have feelings for them, but we can’t. Then, we meet the ‘bad boy’ who isn’t relationship material and fall in bed with for them and they break our hearts. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t fall for bad boys on purpose – I just have a type. My type? Tall, dark hair, athletic, confident, sarcastic, funny – sometimes with a beard – great smile, dark eyes and muscular. It’s not my fault the ones I’ve met so far haven’t been emotionally able to commit to me!

If love is real, why does it have to hurt so much? Shouldn’t it be simple? Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy asks girl out. Girl likes boy so she says yes. Boy and girl go to dinner and have a great time. They go out again and again because boy calls girl and asks her out when he says he will. Girl tells boy when he makes her mad and boy does the same. They get married and have lots of sex.

They make a beautiful little family and live in a happy little home. Of course they have challenges every now and then, but they talk them out and work through them together. Their happy little children see them live their lives this way and, in turn, live their lives the same way. So, they grow up and have happy relationships too. The end.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Yes, but that’s not how it is.

I’ll stay friends with nice guy and keep my heart guarded. I’ll say no to the ‘bad boy’ because, even though he’s what my body wants, he’s not what my heart needs. All the while I’ll try and stay hopeful there’s a man – yes, a man – out there that’s a perfect blend of nice and bad (nad or bice). Someone good for my heart and body. When I meet him I’ll say yes; yes I’ll go out with you, yes I’ll let you in to my heart – YES I’ll be myself with you.

We will go on lots of dates, have lots of sex, get married and live happily ever after.

The end.

  • The Dalema. February 4, 2016.