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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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love

Happy Moonshine

I wish I could bottle up this feeling!!

I’d put it in an old teal mason jar and keep it in my pantry. Then, on days I feel lost or sad, I could take shots of it like moonshine.

I am so incredibly happy to be engaged to my best friend, a man who has never once made me feel insecure. Someone who is everything I never knew I always wanted.

It’s cliche to say but love doesn’t find you when you’re looking. It’s never what you’re looking for. Love comes at a time when you find yourself not wanting it at all – sometimes even when you’re avoiding it. There were no games, no moments where I had to filter who I was or hide my personality.

My love found me when I no longer believed in it. When I thought I was too set in my ways. Love found me in the form of laughter, long conversations ending with “you hang up first” and, even though he will never admit it, we knew from the first date that we were it. This was the real thing.

It’s not always easy but it is worth it!!

I’d go through it all again, only sooner if I knew the broken roads would lead me here. I am so so so so very happy!!

I love someone who loves me back and I get to spend as much time as God intends on this earth with him. For the first time in my entire life, I have no questions. I have no doubts. At this moment I am blissfully happy.

I wish I could put this feeling in an old teal mason jar and put it in my pantry, and on my bad days where I feel lost and sad, I’d take shots of it like moonshine.

Alone.

Missing my boys today.

We always share the highlights. We glorify the happy moments. We sit alone when it’s dark and we smile when we don’t want anyone to see our tears. I haven’t sat in alone in sadness for a long time. And I won’t today. Today I’m sharing my darkness because I don’t want to feel alone.

Before I met these two I lived alone for 9 years. I had my pups, work, friends and family but ultimately I was alone. I felt it, I dealt with it and I managed.

I never knew how beautiful life could be until I met these two. As a woman, I work hard. I give my 40+ hours to work, I take care of all the plans and make sure the house is clean, adventures are on the calendar and our bellies always full. I am loved and I love with all I have.

I convinced myself that this time alone would be great. I could enjoy some peace and quiet! I can get the house organized, do some crafting, work out, make some freezable foods, and just relax. I’ve been doing really well at this but I will not lie – once you have this kind of love and fulfillment in your life, no matter how long you were alone before, the void is even more obvious. No matter how independent you are, you still want to share the moments of your every day with those you love.

I am an extremely lucky woman. I am an extremely strong woman. But today the house is too quiet. The house is too clean and organized. The house is too empty. I really don’t know how I lived without these two before.

I miss my boys today.

– The Dalema. September 5, 2021.

Human Kind

You could be my worst enemy

You could be my best friend

You could be the love of my life

You could be the person who ripped my heart out

You could be the first person to call me fat

You could be the last person to say I’m beautiful

You could be the person who rear-ended me and destroyed my neck and back

You could be the person who let me in front of you in rush hour traffic

You could be the person who voted for someone who stands for everything I’m against

You could be the person who granted my healthcare benefits

You could be the reason I get a lower salary

You could be the reason I have a job

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you are

I will always wish you the best and show you kindness

– The Dalema. January 15, 2021.

My Heart’s Rhythm

I love you
I’m in love with you
I’m who I am
Because of you

I need you
I’m in need of you
My heart’s rhythm
Is to the beat of you

I trust you
I’m entrusting you
With my future
It’s me and you

I love you
I’m in love with you
I’m who I am
Because of you

⁃ The Dalema. November 5, 2019.

Nothing Else

I don’t want to
Understand
Another soul

I don’t want
Another man’s
Hand to hold

I don’t need
Anything
More than this

I didn’t know
Chemistry before
Your kiss

I don’t want to
Start at
The beginning

I don’t want
To lose us
While we’re winning

I don’t need
Romance and
Butterflies

I didn’t know
True love
Until your eyes

I don’t want to
Be less than
You deserve

I don’t want
Ever after
Fairy tails

I don’t need
Fancy nights or
Jewelry

I didn’t know
We would be
Everything

I want to
Make you happy
Forever

I want this
You and me
Together

I need
Us to last
True and true

I know
What love is
Because of you

⁃ The Dalema. October 31, 2019.