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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

Category

Reflection

Ceramic Simmer

He didn’t care

Want her
Need her
Deserve her
Appreciate her

But she sat there

Waiting
Thinking
Wondering
Overheating

On the back burner.

  • The Dalema. May 28, 2017.
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Remnants

you’re tired.
your knees are sick of having to lift the weight of your body off the floor time and time again.
they never rest.
just when you think you’ve stood up straight.
just when you think you’ve improved your posture.
at the exact moment you actually feel taller – you’re thrown right back down.

you’re hurt.
your hands are cut up from those fragments, the broken pieces you find yourself dusting into a pile time and time again.
sometimes you try to grab them as they fall. but you’ve learned not to try and reach them before they land.

you’re weak.
your eyes cannot strain any longer. everything’s so blurry.
your eyes want to close.
the light has dimmed so much and yet, you keep staring at the pieces.
trying to glue them together just right. trying to make them seem like they were never broken.

each time.
each and every time you go through this; cutting your hands on those pieces, pulling yourself up off the floor and trying to put it all back together again – piece by piece. only to realize, you don’t remember what you started with.

this unbroken work of art you’ve hurt yourself over, lost sleep over – this masterpiece you’ve been killing yourself for day in and day out, over and over again – it’s unrecognizable.
all that remains is a tired, weak and broken fragment of whatever once was.
the pieces don’t fit together.
some are missing, most are damaged.
all are irreplicable.

whatever it was, whoever you were – you’ll never be again.
that girl, with flawless skin and the thrill of life in her eyes.
she’s gone.

  • The Dalema. December 8, 2016.

Why I Can’t Wait To Be 30

Here’s to my twenties
Here’s to the old me
Cheers to the end of a decade
Cheers to turning 30

Here’s to those years that broke me
Here’s to the years I found myself
Cheers to the friends who stuck around
And to those who let themselves out

Here’s to the lessons I’ve learned
Here’s to the love I found
Cheers to having happiness
When hope wasn’t around

Here’s to loving my body
Here’s to knowing my worth
Cheers to the mistakes I dated
And for never putting me first

Here’s to all the education
Here’s to student loans
Cheers to old careers
And the cars I used to own

Here’s to my first apartment
Here’s to my first home
Cheers to friends and family
For trusting me on my own

Here’s to societies expectations
Here’s to body image pressure
Cheers to no longer giving a fuck
About the size I measure

Here’s to all the heartbreak
Here’s to all the pain
Cheers to all the blessings
Cheers to the ‘might-have-been’s

Here’s to all the wrong paths
Here’s to all the dead ends
Cheers to finding where I’m meant to be
And knowing how to start again

Here’s to attempting adulthood
Here’s to Friday nights in
Cheers to enjoying the little things
Cheers to understanding who I am

Here’s to the end of an era
Here’s to ending insecurities
Cheers to going with the flow
I’m the best version of me

Cheers to all that’s in the past
The hardest years? They’re long gone!
Here’s to the end of my twenties –
The best is yet to come!

  • The Dalema. April 30, 2017.

Resisting

I wanted to say
I hope you’re ok
And I understand
Why

I wanted to say
I hope nothing’s changed
And I know you’re not
Lying

I wanted to say
I’ve fallen for you
And you’ve kept me
Smiling

I wanted to say
Not to give up on us
I think we should keep
Trying

I wanted to say
The pressure is off
No more rules or
Expectations

I wanted to say
All is not lost
There’s no need for
Directions

I wanted to say
Take time and space
And I’ll be here
Waiting

I wanted to say
I miss you every day
But I’ll just be
Patient

I wanted to say
All these things
But the right words –
I can’t find them

I want to say
What you won’t say
Now we both remain
Silent.

  • The Dalema. April 10, 2017.

Two-Dimensional Silhouette 

That’s exactly why it didn’t work.

You don’t fall in love. You walk to it.
Hand in hand, eyes wide open.
You talk about the path you’re taking.
You trust the person to walk the path with you.

And you walk in – together.
Side by side. Hand in hand.
Eyes. Wide. Open.
One chosen step at a time – together.

Otherwise, you’re just walking alone –
following like a shadow.
A shadow they don’t even see.

Shadows fall and shadows fade.
Love walks and never alone.

  • The Dalema. January 16, 2017.

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