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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

Category

Late Night Sessions

Ceramic Simmer

He didn’t care

Want her
Need her
Deserve her
Appreciate her

But she sat there

Waiting
Thinking
Wondering
Overheating

On the back burner.

  • The Dalema. May 28, 2017.
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Cravings & Expectations

Today’s the kind of day
She wishes they
would have kept in touch

Today’s the kind of day
She’s needing someone –
the cravings are too much

Today’s the kind of day
She’d love to be seen
wearing nothing but skin

Today’s the kind of day
She’s craving a kiss
she’s craving him

Today’s the kind of day
She’d call familiar –
a deja vu day

Today’s the kind of day
She’d lower her standards
with no expectations

Today’s the kind of day
She’ll recycle the old
or find someone new

Today’s the kind of day
She’ll call someone else
but wish he was you.

  • The Dalema. May 15, 2017.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema

Dear John

Dec. 1, 2016

Dear John,

These letters are written – have been written – to end relationships. They’ve been used as goodbyes. This letter, my letter Dear John, is the opposite. This letter is the only way I know how to ask you to come back. The only way I know how to tell you I need you in my life. The only way for me to know that you know I’m right here.

Every day – that’s how often you cross my mind. When something good happens I want to tell you. When something bad happens I want your advice. When something makes me laugh, I want you to experience my smile. The smile that used to be a reason behind yours. Every day I wonder how you are, what you’re doing and if you’re hurting. Not because of me, of course, but because of reasons beyond your control. Every day is another day I want to be there for you.

Dear John, please know you matter to me. You made me feel normal, wanted – beautiful and confident. You gave those gifts to me just by being you. I can’t explain it but you were my lucky charm. I felt my best knowing you were just a phone call or short drive away. I felt happiness knowing I’d see you again. You always had a way of logically reasoning with me. Making sense of things I’ve never been able to make sense of. You were the calm in my life’s storms. I miss that, I miss you. I miss our friendship. Whatever we were, whatever we weren’t – that’s all I want and I only want it with you.

So, Dear John, this letter isn’t a goodbye – it’s a plead. It’s me asking for my chance back. It’s me asking for you. Whatever’s left of you is more than enough for me.

Yours,

D

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