The Dalema

The past is the past, but it’s hard not to carry it into your future. Just because someone did you wrong in a certain situation doesn’t mean a new person, in a similar situation, is going to do you wrong the same way. That’s what’s hard – dealing with the triggers. Noticing those red flags from before, the ones you should have seen. But now, however, they might be white flags – hell, they might not even be flags at all. They could be nothing, but our triggers might disagree and say they could be everything.

I know it’s hard not to panic when you care for someone. I know it’s hard to talk your mind out of thinking the worst. But try. Try with everything you have. Because the alarms that go off when you see those red flags could be a reason the person you care about starts having red flags about you.

Your overthinking could sabotage your current situation. You’re building something up in your mind based on what someone else did – not what this person is doing. This person isn’t that person. He isn’t him. You aren’t the same person you were back then. If he’s worth it, he will see that. If not, as hard as it hurts, it just isn’t meant to be.

So breathe. Put your mind at ease. Allow yourself a chance at happiness. Forget the flags. Your past is the past. Don’t let it destroy your future.

• The Dalema. April 1, 2018.