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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Life

Alone.

Missing my boys today.

We always share the highlights. We glorify the happy moments. We sit alone when it’s dark and we smile when we don’t want anyone to see our tears. I haven’t sat in alone in sadness for a long time. And I won’t today. Today I’m sharing my darkness because I don’t want to feel alone.

Before I met these two I lived alone for 9 years. I had my pups, work, friends and family but ultimately I was alone. I felt it, I dealt with it and I managed.

I never knew how beautiful life could be until I met these two. As a woman, I work hard. I give my 40+ hours to work, I take care of all the plans and make sure the house is clean, adventures are on the calendar and our bellies always full. I am loved and I love with all I have.

I convinced myself that this time alone would be great. I could enjoy some peace and quiet! I can get the house organized, do some crafting, work out, make some freezable foods, and just relax. I’ve been doing really well at this but I will not lie – once you have this kind of love and fulfillment in your life, no matter how long you were alone before, the void is even more obvious. No matter how independent you are, you still want to share the moments of your every day with those you love.

I am an extremely lucky woman. I am an extremely strong woman. But today the house is too quiet. The house is too clean and organized. The house is too empty. I really don’t know how I lived without these two before.

I miss my boys today.

– The Dalema. September 5, 2021.

Worth

No ones supposed to pay for the past

It ended because it wasn’t built to last

You can’t hold grudges, ask for repayment

You built the first floor before the ground pavement

I’ve paid for her sins, I’ve begged for her forgiveness

This was supposed to be forever not built on resentment

I’m not her and she isn’t me

Can’t you see we are meant to be?

But I’ll stand strong, I know my worth

She broke you but I can’t pay for the hurt

I’ve done enough and proved that I’m worthy

I can’t prove anymore it just isn’t in me

Until you see the truth that I’m not her

I’ll lock the door and cry through the hurt

If you walk away I’ll know you were scared

Almost three years and the worth wasn’t there

Who she was it isn’t me

I can’t pay for her sins

This was supposed to be the beginning

It feels like the end.

⁃ The Dalema. 8/27/20

Never Be

I will never be

A southern skinny blonde

I will never be

Too shy to say you’re wrong

I will never be

The woman without an opinion

I will never be

Dreaming without you in them

I will never be

Your first marriage choice

I will never be

Someone who’s been divorced

I will never be

The mother of your first child

I will never be

A heart that’s running wild

I will never be

Ok with no emotions

I will never be

The women that you’ve known

I will never be

Someone who leaves & deserts you

I will never be

Her.

⁃ The Dalema. February 19, 2020.

A Letter To You On New Years

To You,

A new year, a clean slate. The first day of the rest of your life. Time for change, resolutions and goals. People are challenging themselves to make this the best year of their lives.

There are a lot of things you could do differently this year. There are new trips to set, new people to meet, new memories to make. There are higher standards you could hold yourself to. You could read more, volunteer more, eat less pizza and drink more water. New year, new you – etc., etc.

With the new year and all the ways you could be different, there are so many things I hope you never change.

There are so many hopes I hope for you this year:

I hope you keep your heart open. In a world filled with cynics and haters, players and cheaters – I hope you keep hoping. I hope you keep loving. I hope you keep believing.

I hope you give yourself credit. With all the insecurities you allow yourself to believe, the defeat you’ve felt and all the heartache you’ve been through, I hope you give yourself credit for being so strong. You should be proud of the things you’ve been through, because you got through them. Stand tallbe proud of yourself. Give yourself credit. 

I hope you love yourself a little more every day. It amazes me the way you love others. The way you put yourself second to those hurting around you. The way helping them heal, helps you heal. If only you would love yourself the way you love those around youyour heart would be full – regardless of how broken and damaged it may seem.

I hope you keep smiling. Your smile is one of your most beautiful and captivating features. Your laugh is infectious. You light up the room. Keep smiling.

I hope you enjoy the moments. Celebrate the path you’re on. Enjoy where you arewith who you’re with. It’s easy to put yourself on a timeline. You do not need to be married because your friends are. You do not need to be single because your friends are. You do not need to have kids, or not have kids, because of what your family says or because your friends have or haven’t had them. You do not need to be or do anything other than the things on your current path. Do not put yourself down because youaren’t where you thought you would be’ at the age you’re at now. Enjoy the moments.

Most of all, I hope you allow yourself the happiness you deserve. You’re so kind and genuine. You always do whatever it takes to make those you love, and everyone around you, happy. You pray for the happiness of others. How about letting yourself be happy? How about you acknowledge you deserve happiness, too? I hope you learn you do deserve to be happy and happiness will find you – you just need to believe in it. 

With all the things you could do different this year, I hope you realize all the things you shouldn’t change.

Don’t forget to love yourself this yearfor who you are and where you’re at in your life, on your own timeline.

Wishing you love and happiness in 2018!

– The Dalema. December 31, 2016. (Republished December 31, 2016)

Versatile Blogger Award

I want to thank shruti502 for nominating me for this award. I am so honored and humbled to have been thought of for this. I’m a simple woman with an open heart filled with words that never stop flowing. Thank you so much for the nomination! 

I also request you to stop by shruti502’s blog. I enjoy promoting fellow bloggers and am so overjoyed to have been promoted myself! 

Rules:

  1. Display the award on your blog

  2. Thank the person that has nominated you

  3. Share 7 facts about yourself

  4. Nominate and link other bloggers of your choice

Facts about me: 

I just turned 30 and am more inspired now than I’ve ever been. I intend on publishing my first book this year. Stay tuned! 

My first (and only thus far) freelance article now has over 70k shares. Feel free to check it out: I Want Chivalry & No Games, Which Basically Means I Hate Dating Today

I have two amazing pups who are both turning 10 this year. They’re my world and my heart.

I was a pageant queen my senior year of high school – but it didn’t come without a cost. I was anorexic for eight years. 

My outgoing personality and humorous ways hide my insecurities. 

It took me nine years to finish college and I am NOT a doctor (BA in Journalism and Mass Communications with a Marketing Minor).

My biggest fear in life is being forgotten. That’s one of the main reasons I write – so even if I’m long gone, my words can live on forever. 

Nominations: 
Please check out the following blogs if you haven’t already, and be prepared to be amazed by the unique writing and characteristics of each blogger. I hope you enjoy their blogs just as much as I have. (Drumroll please…..) Here are my nominees for the 2017 Versatile Blogger Award:

Eyes + Words

Jay Colby

Quas Production

Palmwriting

Kristina Gallo

Consciousness creates reality

shruti502

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