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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Life

Why I Can’t Wait To Be 30

Here’s to my twenties
Here’s to the old me
Cheers to the end of a decade
Cheers to turning 30

Here’s to those years that broke me
Here’s to the years I found myself
Cheers to the friends who stuck around
And to those who let themselves out

Here’s to the lessons I’ve learned
Here’s to the love I found
Cheers to having happiness
When hope wasn’t around

Here’s to loving my body
Here’s to knowing my worth
Cheers to the mistakes I dated
And for never putting me first

Here’s to all the education
Here’s to student loans
Cheers to old careers
And the cars I used to own

Here’s to my first apartment
Here’s to my first home
Cheers to friends and family
For trusting me on my own

Here’s to societies expectations
Here’s to body image pressure
Cheers to no longer giving a fuck
About the size I measure

Here’s to all the heartbreak
Here’s to all the pain
Cheers to all the blessings
Cheers to the ‘might-have-been’s

Here’s to all the wrong paths
Here’s to all the dead ends
Cheers to finding where I’m meant to be
And knowing how to start again

Here’s to attempting adulthood
Here’s to Friday nights in
Cheers to enjoying the little things
Cheers to understanding who I am

Here’s to the end of an era
Here’s to ending insecurities
Cheers to going with the flow
I’m the best version of me

Cheers to all that’s in the past
The hardest years? They’re long gone!
Here’s to the end of my twenties –
The best is yet to come!

  • The Dalema. April 30, 2017.

Resisting

I wanted to say
I hope you’re ok
And I understand
Why

I wanted to say
I hope nothing’s changed
And I know you’re not
Lying

I wanted to say
I’ve fallen for you
And you’ve kept me
Smiling

I wanted to say
Not to give up on us
I think we should keep
Trying

I wanted to say
The pressure is off
No more rules or
Expectations

I wanted to say
All is not lost
There’s no need for
Directions

I wanted to say
Take time and space
And I’ll be here
Waiting

I wanted to say
I miss you every day
But I’ll just be
Patient

I wanted to say
All these things
But the right words –
I can’t find them

I want to say
What you won’t say
Now we both remain
Silent.

  • The Dalema. April 10, 2017.

Two-Dimensional Silhouette 

That’s exactly why it didn’t work.

You don’t fall in love. You walk to it.
Hand in hand, eyes wide open.
You talk about the path you’re taking.
You trust the person to walk the path with you.

And you walk in – together.
Side by side. Hand in hand.
Eyes. Wide. Open.
One chosen step at a time – together.

Otherwise, you’re just walking alone –
following like a shadow.
A shadow they don’t even see.

Shadows fall and shadows fade.
Love walks and never alone.

  • The Dalema. January 16, 2017.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema

I Used To Fold My Underwear

I used to fold my underwear
Match the linens line by line
It took a lot of time and patience
But it made me feel organized

I used to roll the windows down
Music playing, wind in my hair
I was never late or in a hurry
Nothing but smiles, no worries or cares

I used to plan out everything
Outfits, trips and my future goals
I could do anything I set my mind to
Go anywhere I wanted to go

I used to trust being ‘good’ was enough
What you give is what you receive
Keep the faith and forget the rest
Happiness would find its way to me

I used to think I’d make a difference
Leave my mark on the world someday
Changing lives and spreading love –
No one would ever forget my name

I used to believe in the believing
Winners don’t quit, cheaters never win
Love yourself and love will find you
Everything happens for a reason

Life has done so much it’s changed me –
Challenges, struggles, loss and pain
And I used to fold my underwear
But I don’t think I ever will again.

  • The Dalema. December 7, 2016

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