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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

Category

Dating

Worth

No ones supposed to pay for the past

It ended because it wasn’t built to last

You can’t hold grudges, ask for repayment

You built the first floor before the ground pavement

I’ve paid for her sins, I’ve begged for her forgiveness

This was supposed to be forever not built on resentment

I’m not her and she isn’t me

Can’t you see we are meant to be?

But I’ll stand strong, I know my worth

She broke you but I can’t pay for the hurt

I’ve done enough and proved that I’m worthy

I can’t prove anymore it just isn’t in me

Until you see the truth that I’m not her

I’ll lock the door and cry through the hurt

If you walk away I’ll know you were scared

Almost three years and the worth wasn’t there

Who she was it isn’t me

I can’t pay for her sins

This was supposed to be the beginning

It feels like the end.

⁃ The Dalema. 8/27/20

Your Way

The way you make me coffee

And take the dogs outside

The way you wake me up

When you turn on our light

The way you give me shit

When I talk about my feelings

The way you resist

When I say to tell me sweet things


The way you tell me no

When I’m asking for too much

The way you calm my nerves

With just a single touch

The way you fall asleep

Even if I’m still talking

The way you say “what now”

When I ask how much you love me


The way you late night snack

When you think that I don’t notice

The way you change the subject

By pretending to lose focus

The way you tell a story

Without getting to the point

The way you don’t forget

To say “love you, goodnight”


The way you make me mad

But then you make me laugh

The way you buy me lobster

And end up eating half

The way you let me know

You’ll catch me when I fall

I love the way you love me

It’s my favorite love of all


– The Dalema. March 13, 2020.

Cravings & Expectations

Today’s the kind of day
She wishes they
would have kept in touch

Today’s the kind of day
She’s needing someone –
the cravings are too much

Today’s the kind of day
She’d love to be seen
wearing nothing but skin

Today’s the kind of day
She’s craving a kiss
she’s craving him

Today’s the kind of day
She’d call familiar –
a deja vu day

Today’s the kind of day
She’d lower her standards
with no expectations

Today’s the kind of day
She’ll recycle the old
or find someone new

Today’s the kind of day
She’ll call someone else
but wish he was you.

  • The Dalema. May 15, 2017.

Resisting

I wanted to say
I hope you’re ok
And I understand
Why

I wanted to say
I hope nothing’s changed
And I know you’re not
Lying

I wanted to say
I’ve fallen for you
And you’ve kept me
Smiling

I wanted to say
Not to give up on us
I think we should keep
Trying

I wanted to say
The pressure is off
No more rules or
Expectations

I wanted to say
All is not lost
There’s no need for
Directions

I wanted to say
Take time and space
And I’ll be here
Waiting

I wanted to say
I miss you every day
But I’ll just be
Patient

I wanted to say
All these things
But the right words –
I can’t find them

I want to say
What you won’t say
Now we both remain
Silent.

  • The Dalema. April 10, 2017.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema

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