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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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The Dalema

A woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be. Writing my way through life, one letter at a time. Follow on Wordpress, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Not interested in social media? Subscribe for email updates!

Alone.

Missing my boys today.

We always share the highlights. We glorify the happy moments. We sit alone when it’s dark and we smile when we don’t want anyone to see our tears. I haven’t sat in alone in sadness for a long time. And I won’t today. Today I’m sharing my darkness because I don’t want to feel alone.

Before I met these two I lived alone for 9 years. I had my pups, work, friends and family but ultimately I was alone. I felt it, I dealt with it and I managed.

I never knew how beautiful life could be until I met these two. As a woman, I work hard. I give my 40+ hours to work, I take care of all the plans and make sure the house is clean, adventures are on the calendar and our bellies always full. I am loved and I love with all I have.

I convinced myself that this time alone would be great. I could enjoy some peace and quiet! I can get the house organized, do some crafting, work out, make some freezable foods, and just relax. I’ve been doing really well at this but I will not lie – once you have this kind of love and fulfillment in your life, no matter how long you were alone before, the void is even more obvious. No matter how independent you are, you still want to share the moments of your every day with those you love.

I am an extremely lucky woman. I am an extremely strong woman. But today the house is too quiet. The house is too clean and organized. The house is too empty. I really don’t know how I lived without these two before.

I miss my boys today.

– The Dalema. September 5, 2021.

Boy Who Cried Wolf

You can’t say you’re sorry
For breaking my heart
Do it all over –
Tear me apart
Changed behavior
Is the best apology
You say you’re sorry
Then your actions repeat
You don’t see it but
It’s blinding me
I’m the one who feels it
You chuck it up as comedy
You can’t say you’re sorry
But do the same thing again
Keep it up baby
The next sorry’s our end.

  • The Dalema. July 15., 2021

Human Kind

You could be my worst enemy

You could be my best friend

You could be the love of my life

You could be the person who ripped my heart out

You could be the first person to call me fat

You could be the last person to say I’m beautiful

You could be the person who rear-ended me and destroyed my neck and back

You could be the person who let me in front of you in rush hour traffic

You could be the person who voted for someone who stands for everything I’m against

You could be the person who granted my healthcare benefits

You could be the reason I get a lower salary

You could be the reason I have a job

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you are

I will always wish you the best and show you kindness

– The Dalema. January 15, 2021.

Worth

No ones supposed to pay for the past

It ended because it wasn’t built to last

You can’t hold grudges, ask for repayment

You built the first floor before the ground pavement

I’ve paid for her sins, I’ve begged for her forgiveness

This was supposed to be forever not built on resentment

I’m not her and she isn’t me

Can’t you see we are meant to be?

But I’ll stand strong, I know my worth

She broke you but I can’t pay for the hurt

I’ve done enough and proved that I’m worthy

I can’t prove anymore it just isn’t in me

Until you see the truth that I’m not her

I’ll lock the door and cry through the hurt

If you walk away I’ll know you were scared

Almost three years and the worth wasn’t there

Who she was it isn’t me

I can’t pay for her sins

This was supposed to be the beginning

It feels like the end.

⁃ The Dalema. 8/27/20

Your Way

The way you make me coffee

And take the dogs outside

The way you wake me up

When you turn on our light

The way you give me shit

When I talk about my feelings

The way you resist

When I say to tell me sweet things


The way you tell me no

When I’m asking for too much

The way you calm my nerves

With just a single touch

The way you fall asleep

Even if I’m still talking

The way you say “what now”

When I ask how much you love me


The way you late night snack

When you think that I don’t notice

The way you change the subject

By pretending to lose focus

The way you tell a story

Without getting to the point

The way you don’t forget

To say “love you, goodnight”


The way you make me mad

But then you make me laugh

The way you buy me lobster

And end up eating half

The way you let me know

You’ll catch me when I fall

I love the way you love me

It’s my favorite love of all


– The Dalema. March 13, 2020.

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