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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Truth

Screen Door

Caught up in a moment there
I thought you started to care
And I pushed too far
Ah-ha! There you are –
Looking right through me

  • The Dalema. September 9, 2016

Right Now

Right now I’m not looking, I’m not hoping – I’m just living. One day at a time, one feeling at a time. If I think I want to do something, I’ll do it. If I don’t, I won’t.

No regrets, no over thinking, no self-judgment. I’m going to allow my life to happen and I’m going to control it. My chances are my choices and things will happen because I’ll want them to. But I won’t be broken – not again. I won’t care for someone until they work for it and earn it. I’m not just going to give my care away anymore.

-Danyle L. M. (2016)

On a Clear Night, You Can See Forever

clear night skyI found myself outside at a patio bar – smoking an e-cigarette. Truth is, I’ve never smoked cigarettes but e-cigs are my thing. I’ve been smoking them for a little over two years – they calm my nerves. And in the dark on the patio, I found myself looking up into the clear night sky. I was praying – praying for God to lead me down the right path. I know the drunk feeling all too well. Drunk used to be my form of a Band-Aid to my life. My reason to forget the stress of my everyday, my reason to be able to hookup with whomever I wanted whenever I wanted, and my reason to be loud and inappropriate; things I can do just fine on my own while sober.

The truth is, I’ve had a lot of Band-Aids over the years. A lot of reasons not to face my struggles and the horrific details of my past: having those Band-Aids is what got me into trouble in January. January lead me to my pivotal moment. It lead me to the one man who changed my life forever. I don’t need pivotal moments anymore. I don’t need Band-Aids; I need me – in my clear right mind and I need God – God needs to help me choose the right path and help me go in the right direction.

So tonight, while on the patio looking up at the clear night sky, I prayed. I prayed to God to heal me – I prayed to God to lead me down the right path. I prayed to God, I begged him, to give me a new chapter. A chapter where I could be myself, the woman I’ve grown PROUD to be, a chapter where I don’t need to give a man my naked body to make him love my naked soul. I prayed to God for a clean slate. A slate where my past doesn’t hold me back and my heart isn’t cold. A path where I can love what I do, in a place that makes me feel like I’m home – a place where I can finally be myself; the woman I’m proud to be.

  • The Dalema. May 24, 2016.

You Ran

I wouldn’t have changed you
I would’ve challenged you
That makes all the difference

  • The Dalema. May 2, 2016.

Chapters Shouldn’t End With Goodbye

The harshest reality: knowing how much you thought through all of this. Knowing, without a doubt, it meant never seeing me again for the rest of your life. Knowing that kiss, that drawn-out hug, that long stare into my tear-filled eyes, would be the last. You knew those final moments with me would become the closing words written on the last page of the few pages of my existence in the story of your life; and you still chose to say goodbye.

– DLM 4/19/16

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