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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Happy Moonshine

I wish I could bottle up this feeling!!

I’d put it in an old teal mason jar and keep it in my pantry. Then, on days I feel lost or sad, I could take shots of it like moonshine.

I am so incredibly happy to be engaged to my best friend, a man who has never once made me feel insecure. Someone who is everything I never knew I always wanted.

It’s cliche to say but love doesn’t find you when you’re looking. It’s never what you’re looking for. Love comes at a time when you find yourself not wanting it at all – sometimes even when you’re avoiding it. There were no games, no moments where I had to filter who I was or hide my personality.

My love found me when I no longer believed in it. When I thought I was too set in my ways. Love found me in the form of laughter, long conversations ending with “you hang up first” and, even though he will never admit it, we knew from the first date that we were it. This was the real thing.

It’s not always easy but it is worth it!!

I’d go through it all again, only sooner if I knew the broken roads would lead me here. I am so so so so very happy!!

I love someone who loves me back and I get to spend as much time as God intends on this earth with him. For the first time in my entire life, I have no questions. I have no doubts. At this moment I am blissfully happy.

I wish I could put this feeling in an old teal mason jar and put it in my pantry, and on my bad days where I feel lost and sad, I’d take shots of it like moonshine.

Balance beam.

Do you want to know what’s really hard?

Life.

Do you want to know what makes it all worth while?

Living.

  • The Dalema. January 2, 2018.

Why I Can’t Wait To Be 30

Here’s to my twenties
Here’s to the old me
Cheers to the end of a decade
Cheers to turning 30

Here’s to those years that broke me
Here’s to the years I found myself
Cheers to the friends who stuck around
And to those who let themselves out

Here’s to the lessons I’ve learned
Here’s to the love I found
Cheers to having happiness
When hope wasn’t around

Here’s to loving my body
Here’s to knowing my worth
Cheers to the mistakes I dated
And for never putting me first

Here’s to all the education
Here’s to student loans
Cheers to old careers
And the cars I used to own

Here’s to my first apartment
Here’s to my first home
Cheers to friends and family
For trusting me on my own

Here’s to societies expectations
Here’s to body image pressure
Cheers to no longer giving a fuck
About the size I measure

Here’s to all the heartbreak
Here’s to all the pain
Cheers to all the blessings
Cheers to the ‘might-have-been’s

Here’s to all the wrong paths
Here’s to all the dead ends
Cheers to finding where I’m meant to be
And knowing how to start again

Here’s to attempting adulthood
Here’s to Friday nights in
Cheers to enjoying the little things
Cheers to understanding who I am

Here’s to the end of an era
Here’s to ending insecurities
Cheers to going with the flow
I’m the best version of me

Cheers to all that’s in the past
The hardest years? They’re long gone!
Here’s to the end of my twenties –
The best is yet to come!

  • The Dalema. April 30, 2017.

Time Marches On

Moments away from the end,
the beginning of all the pain
Minutes away from losing
all the love we ever made
Seconds away from the silence
that’ll cut deeper than a knife
It’s time for me to tell you
I’m walking out of your life

Moments away from a change
that we can’t ever change back
Minutes away from falling
out of a love you no longer have
Seconds away from the laughter
that hides your initial shock
It’s time for me to love myself
for all the reasons you could not

Moments away from losing me,
you won’t fight for me to stay
Minutes away from saying
the words I never thought I’d say
Seconds away from leaving
the life I fought to build behind
It’s time you see you waited too long –
now we’re out of time.

  • The Dalema. February 2, 2009.

Regurgitation

I’d like to end my story
without anyone ever reading it
but I keep sharing
and I can’t stop caring
so I keep on repeating it

  • The Dalema. October 20, 2016

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