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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Truth

Balance beam.

Do you want to know what’s really hard?

Life.

Do you want to know what makes it all worth while?

Living.

  • The Dalema. January 2, 2018.

Why I Can’t Wait To Be 30

Here’s to my twenties
Here’s to the old me
Cheers to the end of a decade
Cheers to turning 30

Here’s to those years that broke me
Here’s to the years I found myself
Cheers to the friends who stuck around
And to those who let themselves out

Here’s to the lessons I’ve learned
Here’s to the love I found
Cheers to having happiness
When hope wasn’t around

Here’s to loving my body
Here’s to knowing my worth
Cheers to the mistakes I dated
And for never putting me first

Here’s to all the education
Here’s to student loans
Cheers to old careers
And the cars I used to own

Here’s to my first apartment
Here’s to my first home
Cheers to friends and family
For trusting me on my own

Here’s to societies expectations
Here’s to body image pressure
Cheers to no longer giving a fuck
About the size I measure

Here’s to all the heartbreak
Here’s to all the pain
Cheers to all the blessings
Cheers to the ‘might-have-been’s

Here’s to all the wrong paths
Here’s to all the dead ends
Cheers to finding where I’m meant to be
And knowing how to start again

Here’s to attempting adulthood
Here’s to Friday nights in
Cheers to enjoying the little things
Cheers to understanding who I am

Here’s to the end of an era
Here’s to ending insecurities
Cheers to going with the flow
I’m the best version of me

Cheers to all that’s in the past
The hardest years? They’re long gone!
Here’s to the end of my twenties –
The best is yet to come!

  • The Dalema. April 30, 2017.

Time Marches On

Moments away from the end,
the beginning of all the pain
Minutes away from losing
all the love we ever made
Seconds away from the silence
that’ll cut deeper than a knife
It’s time for me to tell you
I’m walking out of your life

Moments away from a change
that we can’t ever change back
Minutes away from falling
out of a love you no longer have
Seconds away from the laughter
that hides your initial shock
It’s time for me to love myself
for all the reasons you could not

Moments away from losing me,
you won’t fight for me to stay
Minutes away from saying
the words I never thought I’d say
Seconds away from leaving
the life I fought to build behind
It’s time you see you waited too long –
now we’re out of time.

  • The Dalema. February 2, 2009.

Regurgitation

I’d like to end my story
without anyone ever reading it
but I keep sharing
and I can’t stop caring
so I keep on repeating it

  • The Dalema. October 20, 2016

Daydreams And Expectations

I was fooling myself
to think a man like you
would ever want a woman
like me

You have so much to offer
so much to give
and I’m full of weaknesses,
insecurities

Yet here I am hoping
you might come back
with a changed heart –
missing me

Unrealistic expectations
all I had of you
all I had for us –
silly daydreams

  • The Dalema. August 8, 2016

Screen Door

Caught up in a moment there
I thought you started to care
And I pushed too far
Ah-ha! There you are –
Looking right through me

  • The Dalema. September 9, 2016

Right Now

Right now I’m not looking, I’m not hoping – I’m just living. One day at a time, one feeling at a time. If I think I want to do something, I’ll do it. If I don’t, I won’t.

No regrets, no over thinking, no self-judgment. I’m going to allow my life to happen and I’m going to control it. My chances are my choices and things will happen because I’ll want them to. But I won’t be broken – not again. I won’t care for someone until they work for it and earn it. I’m not just going to give my care away anymore.

-Danyle L. M. (2016)

On a Clear Night, You Can See Forever

clear night skyI found myself outside at a patio bar – smoking an e-cigarette. Truth is, I’ve never smoked cigarettes but e-cigs are my thing. I’ve been smoking them for a little over two years – they calm my nerves. And in the dark on the patio, I found myself looking up into the clear night sky. I was praying – praying for God to lead me down the right path. I know the drunk feeling all too well. Drunk used to be my form of a Band-Aid to my life. My reason to forget the stress of my everyday, my reason to be able to hookup with whomever I wanted whenever I wanted, and my reason to be loud and inappropriate; things I can do just fine on my own while sober.

The truth is, I’ve had a lot of Band-Aids over the years. A lot of reasons not to face my struggles and the horrific details of my past: having those Band-Aids is what got me into trouble in January. January lead me to my pivotal moment. It lead me to the one man who changed my life forever. I don’t need pivotal moments anymore. I don’t need Band-Aids; I need me – in my clear right mind and I need God – God needs to help me choose the right path and help me go in the right direction.

So tonight, while on the patio looking up at the clear night sky, I prayed. I prayed to God to heal me – I prayed to God to lead me down the right path. I prayed to God, I begged him, to give me a new chapter. A chapter where I could be myself, the woman I’ve grown PROUD to be, a chapter where I don’t need to give a man my naked body to make him love my naked soul. I prayed to God for a clean slate. A slate where my past doesn’t hold me back and my heart isn’t cold. A path where I can love what I do, in a place that makes me feel like I’m home – a place where I can finally be myself; the woman I’m proud to be.

  • The Dalema. May 24, 2016.

You Ran

I wouldn’t have changed you
I would’ve challenged you
That makes all the difference

  • The Dalema. May 2, 2016.

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