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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Reflection

The Girl Life Left Behind

I often wonder what happened to her
that mysterious girl with flawless skin

I wonder if she ran out chasing her dreams
traveling only the roads less taken

Did she find success and happiness?
Or did she wind up drowning in heartache?

Did she end up falling in love with herself?
Or were her insecurities too much to take?

I often find myself admiring her
that thin girl with a bright, shining smile

The way she wore her pride on her shoulders
how her carefree spirit ran wild

Her determination drew people in
she’d captivate those she’d walk passed

Her twinkling eyes would steal your heart
men found themselves lost in one glance

I often wonder what happened to her
that girl who couldn’t be stopped

Pictures are all that seem to be left
of the life of a girl life forgot

I stare at the image admiring her
how she radiated positivity

That girl, she’s a stranger to me now –
she’s the girl who I used to be.

  • The Dalema. December 28, 2016
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Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema
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I Surrender

I get it, I give up.
I’m waiving the white flag.
I get it. I understand.
You’re the best I’ll never have.

Life has disappointed me.
I’ve been the best I’ll ever be.
It’s ok – I can take it.
Life’s way more than
I can ever make it.

This is all there is,
all that ever was. 
I surrender to the truth
There’s nothing left for us. 

  • The Dalema. November 27, 2016.
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Here I Stand

I’ve taken falls
Lost almost everything
What have I learned?
All that remains
Is all I’ll ever need.

  • The Dalema. November 21, 2016
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Subconscious State of Mind

Sleep is all I’ve got
to help get over you
I close my eyes and wander off
the pain wanders too

My dreams drift to a place
where your memory doesn’t exist
Where I can’t feel your skin on mine
I can’t taste your kiss

Where I can’t hear you saying
I don’t give you butterflies
And I don’t see you craving her
as I stare into your eyes

A place where I don’t question
why it’s not me that you want
Where the moments most dear to me
aren’t the ones that you forgot

There’s only one place left to go
for a heart that’s bruised like mine
It’s when I fade into a deep sleep
a subconscious state of my mind

When I wake I’ll be reminded
that I can’t be what you need
So goodnight, sleep tight –
love me just for tonight
if only in my dreams.

  • The Dalema. February 17, 2015.
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