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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Runner

It’s just what I do – I cut people from my life and I run. I run as far away as fast as I can. Because that betrayal, that hurt – it reminds me of a time and place. A place I can’t go to, a way I can’t let myself feel. It’s so dark that it rips pieces and parts of your soul so deep that even if you could, you would never want to feel again.

Running from that place and cutting that darkness from your life – it’s the only way you’ll survive. Sometimes doors are closed, the handles are locked, the deadbolts are switched and the hinges are glued because it’s a place you can never see. If you let yourself go back there – you’ll never find yourself again. You’ll be so lost in the darkness, you’ll forget what light was like. You’ll feel so much pain that you’ll beg for someone to put an end to it all. You’d rather feel nothing than ever feel that way again.

So I run. I run as far away as fast as I can. Even if I have nothing to run to. It’s time to put my running shoes on – I’m ready to chase the pavement.

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American Audition

Take the path that’s laid out for you
Graduate high school – college too
Find a career that’s in your field
Save for a home and close the deal

Wait for ‘true love’ before getting married
Tie the knot then have a baby
Live happily ever after, that’s it – the end
The American Dream. Follow the trend

I walked the path, the yellow brick road
I followed the rules – did as I was told
I played the part of the girl next door
It’s just not enough for me, not anymore

Seven days a week, it’s all the same
Wakeup with resistance & pray for change
Pay your bills. Save what’s left
Hope for a miracle to get out of debt

Had I known then what I know now
I would have cleared my own path somehow
I’d take more time mapping out my dreams
Figuring out who it is I wanted to be

I would have went to college further away
I wouldn’t have partied on thirsty Thursdays
I’d never have signed up for credit cards
I wouldn’t let boys play with my heart

So what can I do? Where do I start?
This is my life – I want the lead part!
I’m not stage props or background music
It’s time to pave my own path – time to choose it.

  • The Dalema. February 15, 2016
1

Cannonball of Happy

 

Happy Moment Captured

I often find myself wishing for happiness. I try to find it in my possessions, getting lost in keepsakes and memorabilia, I even search for it while recapping the events of the day. Sometimes I’ll scroll through old Facebook pics or dig out an old scrapbook. I’ll think, “How did I let myself fall out of happiness?” Or, “Was I even happy in this pic?”.

In life people think that happiness is a place; when you find it you sit down and you camp there. You don’t want to leave – you fight it, you do. But you end up leaving, you have to.

I don’t think happiness is a place – I think happiness is a moment in time, or rather moments in time that are linked. There are moments of happy that you want to stay in forever, moments that you grasp when you are at your worst. These moments can last, too. People think a moment is a second but really it’s any portion of time; the memory and feelings with that moment are what determine the length of it to you.

I think that’s why people have such a hard time letting go of the past – because what they’re doing is holding on to those built-up moments. Those moments that they want to get lost in, those moments they want to create again, because those moments of happy are sometimes all they have.

There’s no way of recreating the past – of reliving that moment of happy. Those moments are gone and they turn in to memories. So – it’s ok to get lost in the memories; close your eyes and capture those moments. Try to let your mind wander back. When they’re gone, they’re gone forever.

When you find yourself having one of those moments you’ll someday look back on and wish you could be lost in again; make sure you live in the moment. This is it. This is the only moment of this happy that you’ll get. So cherish it, cannon ball in it! Look up from it and think, “Damn. Where did the time go? I didn’t even notice. I was too caught up in being happy!”.

0

Fender Bender

For a minute I thought differently

Like it was just you and me

But you turned out just like the rest

Put my heart to the test

And baby, I surrender

Another fender bender

I’m tired of driving

-DLM (9.21.15)

<image source: Robert Snopov, Everpix ©>

0

Caught in the Moment

You look at her in awe, those dark hazel eyes

They change colors slightly, depending on the light

You stare and stare and wonder, wonder what’s inside

You get lost in the moment, she makes you feel alive

Whenever you’re around her, you’re the only one she sees

She does all she can to please you, make you feel at ease

The gaze locks you in, and you tell her she’s the one

The days are filled with nothing but laughter and fun

 

As the weeks start to pass you gaze less and less

Her phone calls go to voicemails and you ignore her texts

You don’t invite her over and she doesn’t stay the night

You don’t want her around, her flame has lost its light

 

She asks you what has changed as you force her to call it quits

She doesn’t know how it happened, you flipped off the switch

Everything was perfect for her, you played the game and owned it

Like everyone before you, you got caught up in the moment

-DLM (1.7.15)

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