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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Poetry

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema
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I Used To Fold My Underwear

I used to fold my underwear
Match the linens line by line
It took a lot of time and patience
But it made me feel organized

I used to roll the windows down
Music playing, wind in my hair
I was never late or in a hurry
Nothing but smiles, no worries or cares

I used to plan out everything
Outfits, trips and my future goals
I could do anything I set my mind to
Go anywhere I wanted to go

I used to trust being ‘good’ was enough
What you give is what you receive
Keep the faith and forget the rest
Happiness would find its way to me

I used to think I’d make a difference
Leave my mark on the world someday
Changing lives and spreading love –
No one would ever forget my name

I used to believe in the believing
Winners don’t quit, cheaters never win
Love yourself and love will find you
Everything happens for a reason

Life has done so much it’s changed me –
Challenges, struggles, loss and pain
And I used to fold my underwear
But I don’t think I ever will again.

  • The Dalema. December 7, 2016
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Fog Lights And Padiddle

Another sleepless night
My sight is black and white
Life in grey isn’t right
Out of mind, out of sight.

  • The Dalema. September, 2016
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Subconscious State of Mind

Sleep is all I’ve got
to help get over you
I close my eyes and wander off
the pain wanders too

My dreams drift to a place
where your memory doesn’t exist
Where I can’t feel your skin on mine
I can’t taste your kiss

Where I can’t hear you saying
I don’t give you butterflies
And I don’t see you craving her
as I stare into your eyes

A place where I don’t question
why it’s not me that you want
Where the moments most dear to me
aren’t the ones that you forgot

There’s only one place left to go
for a heart that’s bruised like mine
It’s when I fade into a deep sleep
a subconscious state of my mind

When I wake I’ll be reminded
that I can’t be what you need
So goodnight, sleep tight –
love me just for tonight
if only in my dreams.

  • The Dalema. February 17, 2015.
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Battle Wounds, Bruises And Perseverance

I reach to pick up the pieces
Getting cut by the broken edges
I don’t know how I got here
It wasn’t supposed to be like this

You give it everything you have
And you fight until the battle’s won
But what if you’ve given all you can?
Yet the war has only just begun

I put up all these walls around me
Making barriers and building shields
I don’t want people to see my bruises
All my failures would be revealed

Love and success are all I’ve ever wanted
The reason behind all this change –
So I pick up the pieces and glue them together
With the hope of being whole again.

  • The Dalema. November 21, 2016
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