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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Day Dreams

Why I Can’t Wait To Be 30

Here’s to my twenties
Here’s to the old me
Cheers to the end of a decade
Cheers to turning 30

Here’s to those years that broke me
Here’s to the years I found myself
Cheers to the friends who stuck around
And to those who let themselves out

Here’s to the lessons I’ve learned
Here’s to the love I found
Cheers to having happiness
When hope wasn’t around

Here’s to loving my body
Here’s to knowing my worth
Cheers to the mistakes I dated
And for never putting me first

Here’s to all the education
Here’s to student loans
Cheers to old careers
And the cars I used to own

Here’s to my first apartment
Here’s to my first home
Cheers to friends and family
For trusting me on my own

Here’s to societies expectations
Here’s to body image pressure
Cheers to no longer giving a fuck
About the size I measure

Here’s to all the heartbreak
Here’s to all the pain
Cheers to all the blessings
Cheers to the ‘might-have-been’s

Here’s to all the wrong paths
Here’s to all the dead ends
Cheers to finding where I’m meant to be
And knowing how to start again

Here’s to attempting adulthood
Here’s to Friday nights in
Cheers to enjoying the little things
Cheers to understanding who I am

Here’s to the end of an era
Here’s to ending insecurities
Cheers to going with the flow
I’m the best version of me

Cheers to all that’s in the past
The hardest years? They’re long gone!
Here’s to the end of my twenties –
The best is yet to come!

  • The Dalema. April 30, 2017.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema

Subconscious State of Mind

Sleep is all I’ve got
to help get over you
I close my eyes and wander off
the pain wanders too

My dreams drift to a place
where your memory doesn’t exist
Where I can’t feel your skin on mine
I can’t taste your kiss

Where I can’t hear you saying
I don’t give you butterflies
And I don’t see you craving her
as I stare into your eyes

A place where I don’t question
why it’s not me that you want
Where the moments most dear to me
aren’t the ones that you forgot

There’s only one place left to go
for a heart that’s bruised like mine
It’s when I fade into a deep sleep
a subconscious state of my mind

When I wake I’ll be reminded
that I can’t be what you need
So goodnight, sleep tight –
love me just for tonight
if only in my dreams.

  • The Dalema. February 17, 2015.

King Of The Throne

The tale of a poor judgment Princess
Choosing the future of her kingdom
All for one, or one for all?
She thought their love was her freedom

Like a damsel in distress
She let her long hair down
Allowing them an opportunity –
To win her heart, earn the crown

They were never knighted
There were no duels for her love
They were thieves, liars and pirates
Yet she’d build their pedestals up

Admiring them like royalty
Wishing to be their ‘dream-come-true’
Although she was already a princess
The mirror needed to see it, too

No matter the stars she wished upon
Or the words from her Fairy Godmother
The next day when she’d wake alone
She knew they never loved her

She never picked the right knight
She never made it on time for the ball
Who the hell leaves a shoe behind?
What is happily-ever-after, after all?

After years of spells and magic
Being fooled over and over again
She gave up hoping to be saved –
The kingdom of her heart left un-enchanted

So here’s to all those pedestals
Tonight I’m burning all of them down
This Princess doesn’t need any saving –
It’s my turn to wear the crown

  • The Dalema. November 8, 2016

Part II 

You were like a fine wine
I couldn’t afford
And every time I saw the bottle
It made me want it more

I could see you in my glass
The mood set by candlelight
Scared of what I knew was coming
I told myself ‘afford it tonight’

Tell the server to leave the cork
Then swirl, inhale – take a sip
Close my eyes and let them rest
Indulging in the lusciousness

Getting lost in the shades of grape
Tracing the rim with my fingertips
Before I knew it the bottle was empty –
Leaving purple stains on my lips

  • The Dalema. November 6, 2016

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