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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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lost love

Put The Knife Down

Our deepest wounds
cannot be seen
cannot be heard
or identified –

Our deepest wounds
cannot be found
cannot be stitched
hidden with lies.

Our deepest wounds
beyond our smiles
beyond the tears
behind our eyes –

Our deepest wounds
have no scars
are hidden behind
no reason why.

Our deepest wounds
are poked and prodded
smothered with ‘I’m fine’
and most of the time –

Our deepest wounds
don’t get to heal
don’t get to mend
They’re self-inflicted.

  • The Dalema. May 18, 2016.

Boomerang

She thought you were her slingshot
Launching her into a bright future
Yet here she is in the same spot
Wondering why you wouldn’t keep her

  • The Dalema. June 9, 2016.

Pivotal Moment


I read your goodbye over and over all the time. It’s not because I want to keep hurting, I hurt no matter what, but rather to remind myself why you ended things. You were the best and worst for me. My turning point. Nothing in my life will be the way it was before you and everything will be different after you. I am thankful and grateful for you but I also want to say, ‘fuck you for giving up on me’.

I met you when I was vulnerable; we were both at an all-time low. Our luck in life had really fucked us and, as cliché as it is, we were meant to save one another at that point in our lives. Unfortunately for me, I thought you were saving me altogether. I thought you were different, that what we had was different. I thought you were it. We started so differently – so I didn’t think we would end the same, I didn’t think we would end at all.

You belittled us at the end. You made it clear the feelings you had were because we were ‘new’ and ‘exciting’. You made me feel like a phase you were going through – a stepping stone in your life. A phase you were over.

You were the most amazing man I’d ever been lucky enough to know, let alone fall in love with. You were the only man who saw every inch of me, and I’m not talking about my skin. You saw every inch of my naked soul before our lips even touched. You saw the darkest parts of me, learned of my hidden secrets. We spent so many hours smiling, laughing, sharing, talking about the future. You were right there with me, alongside me, the entire time. We walked, hand-in-hand down the path that lead me to love you. You let me fall, you let me feel happy. You even told me to ‘get used to it’. And I did – without hesitation. Because I trusted you; with my secrets, with my soul, with my skin, and I trusted you with the most delicate, fragile and priceless part of myself – my heart. Even though there wasn’t much of it left, I gave it to you.

Ultimately, you did exactly what you promised you wouldn’t do. You did what every other man has done before you. You left me, you gave up on me – on us – and you didn’t look back.

So when I wake up and you’re the first thing on my mind, or when I find myself thinking of you in the middle of the afternoon or right before I lay my head down to sleep at night; I read your goodbye. Not to hurt myself, but to kill the hope. To kill the notion I have in my mind of you actually coming back. To kill the heartfelt words of kindness and promise that we once had. To let go of the idea of you waking up one day and suddenly regretting your goodbye.

I read those words to remind myself of all the reasons I’ll never be the same person I once was. You did that to me; you showed me the most amazing love and then took it back. You showed me happiness and trust and butterflies and then drowned me in pain. You lead me to the passenger seat, got behind the wheel, put the car in drive and then slammed on the brakes before we’d even turned down the road of ‘us’. You gave me whiplash; and as I sat there trying to figure out what happened, you got out of the car and ran away.

It was you all along – you were my pivotal moment; the point in my life where everything I thought I knew about myself, about love, about strength – everything changed. When I was finally good alone, when I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner, you showed me you were everything I never knew I always wanted; you were what I needed. You made yourself the one I’ll compare others to – my ‘one that got away’.

My pivotal moment – it was you all along. It will always be you for me, but I’ll never be the same.

  • Danyle L. M. 5/17/16
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Kentucky Bourbon

A date with old bourbon, a friend from Kentucky
It’s been a long time since he’s said hello
Takeout Chinese food and fortune cookies
The candles are lit and the lights are down low

I’ll wear your hoodie ’till I wear out your scent
I’ve locked myself in until the feelings are gone
A weekend full of erasing – it’s time to forget
No denying what I should’ve known all along

You snuck into my life like a whispered secret
An unexpected song with a catchy melody
I really thought that we were going to make it
You unlocked my heart without having a key

I showed you parts of me no one has seen
You stole my heart by getting to know my soul
I trusted you without you having to ask me
The sound of your laugh made me lose control

I’ll wear your hoodie ’till I wear out your scent
I’ve locked myself in until the feelings are gone
A weekend full of erasing – it’s time to forget
No denying what I should’ve known all along

You were everything I never knew I wanted
Who and what I needed when I needed you most
It’s hard to believe all that has been forgotten
You broke my walls down then decided to go

So as I sit here with all I have left of you –
A hoodie, dried flowers and texts of admiration
I’ll remember what you once felt, too –
Before you stopped feeling our connection

I’ll wear your hoodie ’till I wear out your scent
I’ve locked myself in until the feelings are gone
A weekend full of erasing – it’s time to forget
No denying what I should’ve known all along

My friend, old bourbon, is starting to pinch me
He told me all the things I needed to hear
He showed me loving you is an addiction
Worse than pain pills, gambling, sex or beer

I guess there’s no understanding what happened
No moment or words I should have changed
I’m just left with the ‘what-could-have-been’s
And a heart filled with emptiness and pain

So I’ll wear your hoodie ’till I wear out your scent
I’ve locked myself in until the feelings are gone
A weekend full of erasing – it’s time to forget
No denying what I should’ve known all along

The sunrise has peaked through my windows
The weekend has passed, my feelings stayed
I’ve unlocked my door, your memory won’t go
Even Kentucky bourbon can’t drink you away

  • The Dalema. May 11, 2016.

Monday Ends With ‘Y’

We didn’t have a song, or a restaurant or a favorite place to visit.
We didn’t have a movie or a band that we loved to see –
We had a day of the week.

I can’t change the station, avoid the cuisine or the street it’s on.
I can’t avoid the channel or the concerts played.
No matter how busy I stay or how many plans I make, I have to get through ‘our day’.

And the worst and most ironic part?
No matter what I do or tell myself, no matter how much time goes by –
Our day will always end with ‘y’.

– Danyle L. M. 5/9/16

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