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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Loss

A Father’s Ghost

The kind of men she was drawn to
Were the ones who could never love her back
The flaws she couldn’t change about herself
Were always the ones they found unattractive

And no matter how many apologies she made
Or how many other qualities were better
They couldn’t love her for those weaknesses
She couldn’t see past her flaws either

Even when she felt her most beautiful
Even when her strength was at it’s peak
Somehow this type of man would find her
She’d fall in love and he’d make her break

No matter how many years seemed to pass
Or how many ‘lessons’ she seemed to date
She couldn’t change, she wasn’t loved
She never forgave herself for those mistakes

And every time her heart would open
Every ‘love’ she thought might come true
They turned out to be just like the others
They turned out to be just like you –

Because the truth is she never learned
She never found a way to fill that void
A void of a ‘father’ who ghosted her world
A void of a ‘father’ who never loved his little girl.

  • The Dalema. April 5, 2017.
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Time Marches On

Moments away from the end,
the beginning of all the pain
Minutes away from losing
all the love we ever made
Seconds away from the silence
that’ll cut deeper than a knife
It’s time for me to tell you
I’m walking out of your life

Moments away from a change
that we can’t ever change back
Minutes away from falling
out of a love you no longer have
Seconds away from the laughter
that hides your initial shock
It’s time for me to love myself
for all the reasons you could not

Moments away from losing me,
you won’t fight for me to stay
Minutes away from saying
the words I never thought I’d say
Seconds away from leaving
the life I fought to build behind
It’s time you see you waited too long –
now we’re out of time.

  • The Dalema. February 2, 2009.

The Girl Life Left Behind

I often wonder what happened to her
that mysterious girl with flawless skin

I wonder if she ran out chasing her dreams
traveling only the roads less taken

Did she find success and happiness?
Or did she wind up drowning in heartache?

Did she end up falling in love with herself?
Or were her insecurities too much to take?

I often find myself admiring her
that thin girl with a bright, shining smile

The way she wore her pride on her shoulders
how her carefree spirit ran wild

Her determination drew people in
she’d captivate those she’d walk passed

Her twinkling eyes would steal your heart
men found themselves lost in one glance

I often wonder what happened to her
that girl who couldn’t be stopped

Pictures are all that seem to be left
of the life of a girl life forgot

I stare at the image admiring her
how she radiated positivity

That girl, she’s a stranger to me now –
she’s the girl who I used to be.

  • The Dalema. December 28, 2016

Wings Of Irony

It’s what happens
when you touch the wings
of a butterfly

Admire the beauty
but from a distance
or they’ll die.

  • The Dalema. December 28, 2016

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

– Maya Angelou –

Purposefully misspelled, I created ‘The Dalema’ from letters in my name. It’s a safe place for me to breathe. A place to unload the built-up and untold opinions, emotions, situations and short stories – the baggage I’ve been carrying around with me every day of my life.

I started writing when I was seven. I was on a plane for the first time, traveling from New York to Oregon with my grandma to visit my uncle. She gave me the gift of paper and my uncle gave me the gift of poetry. Together they gave me the gift of writing.

Escaping my body through the pen in my hand and camouflaging themselves as ink on stationary, I realized words had become my tears, my laughter – my screams. Only then did I realize I could start to understand my emotions if I wrote them down. Every day since, my life story has been accumulating on paper.

I’ve learned I’m a hopelessly romantic cynic, a realistic dreamer – a millennial with an old soul. I’m an outgoing introvert who’s insecurely confident. I’m a woman trying to be better than the girl I was meant to be.

Writing is the only way I know to lift the weight of the world off of my chest so I can breathe. The Dalema is my life. The Dalema is my story, untold. Follow along as I get through it – one post at a time.

  • The Dalema

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