The Dalema

The moments before the jump, you stand still for a second admiring the view, taking in all the beauty surrounding you – wondering how many people will ever or have ever looked at what you’re looking at the way you’re looking at it now.

Slowly, you start inching your way closer to the edge – and then you look down. Whoa! It’s way higher than you thought it would be. Are you going to get hurt? Are you sure you should do this? Once you fling your body over the edge, there’s no turning back – even if you want to. You pause and start to second guess your decision. You’re so close to jumping, are you really going to give up now?!

You’re palms are sweating and your heart is racing – you swallow hard with hesitation and you can feel the tug of your body trying to turn around. You’ve come so close, you’ve worked too hard! You exhale – the words ‘ah fuck it’ sneak from your lips and, before you know it, your heart takes over. It begins pumping adrenaline through your veins as you take in a deep breath, hold it and throw yourself over the edge.

All the emotions; admiration, peace, apprehension and hesitation, uncertainty, fear, joy, anxiety, doubt, excitement, pride, thrill, happiness, giddy exhilaration – those are what you feel during the most crucial, defining and influential moments of your life. I felt those emotions signing the lease to my new apartment, in a new-ish city. I felt those emotions when I accepted a new job offer and sent in my letter of resignation after nine years with a company – and that’s what I’ve felt anytime I’ve met someone who had the potential to break my heart.

I can honestly say after you throw yourself over the edge, after you take in that deep breath and hold it as you fall, you can’t help but exhale in relief. During the laughter, smiles and with the warmth tickling your skin from the adrenaline rush – entranced within the overwhelmingly amazing happiness you find yourself spiraling through – you won’t be able to hold your breath.

The fear literally gets knocked out of you as the pride swells in your chest – making it physically impossible for your heart to feel regret or your mind to have any doubts. Once you hit the water, the cool sensation rushing across your skin becomes so intoxicatingly addicting you’ll swim as fast as you can just to climb back up the hill and do it all, all over again. This time without fear, without hesitation, without doubt – with complete confidence.

Those moments, the most crucial, defining, challenging, emotion-filled and influential moments – they’re addicting.

Know yourself enough to understand when it’s worth the climb, trust your intuition enough to listen when the jump is too steep and be confident enough in yourself to know once you plunge into the water, you’re just going to want to jump in all over again!

• The Dalema. August 9, 2016