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The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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A Made Up Mind

I sat there
Staring at the screen
Reading every thing

Reading you walk away
Knowing
There was nothing I could do
Nothing I could say

But I tried
Begging you, calling you
Convincing you
There was no convincing

You made up your mind
You closed off your heart
And I was –
Vulnerable
Disposable
Left behind

The rejection of it all
No matter what you say,
I wasn’t enough
Enough to make you stay

‘It has nothing to do with you
Everything to do with me’
That’s what you said
That’s what you’d say

When I’d beg and plead
Trying to convince you
And maybe even
Trying to convince me

  • The Dalema. November 6, 2016
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A Note To The Wounded Part II

I know it’s hard. You feel empty and broken in the deepest and most sacred parts of your soul right now. You feel lost and confused – completely unwanted.

But . . .

You are loved. You will be loved in such a way by someone new, it will make you wonder why you ever thought you truly loved this person. It’s all going to get better. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day at a time.

Those deep, sacred parts of your soul you feel you’ll never get back will double in capacity. They aren’t even close to being absorbent enough to encompass all the love you’re going to receive from the person God truly wants in your life. The forever kind of love.

The path you’re on does lead to a happy place. The emptiness will subside and you will eventually feel complete again. And the right person will never, ever, ever in a million years make you feel the kind of rejection you feel right now. Give your sadness to God.

Allow yourself to feel the pain – it’s part of the healing. Just don’t drop your anchor and stay there long. Because the captain of your heart is still out at sea, fighting hell – wind and storms – to get through to find you.

  • The Dalema. October, 2016
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Blank Canvas 

I think you saw their true colors but painted over them. I think you thought maybe, if you mixed your colors with theirs, the painting would be a real work of art. We do that when we love someone.

Unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time repainting. I wasted a lot of time in denial; always blaming the poor lighting or the colors I was mixing with. Then I realized something, all those times I thought I was choosing the wrong colors, but I didn’t even like my own colors. You can’t paint a beautiful picture if you hate the colors you’re working with.

So I changed my colors. I spent a lot of time staring at a lonely, blank canvas. And I threw away a lot of paintings.

I know my colors now. I know the colors that mix well with mine; anything less just won’t do. I don’t want to look down the road years from now and want to throw away the life I’ve worked so hard with my partner to paint.

Don’t be the only one painting. Love your colors. Make sure they love their own colors, too. If they don’t, if you don’t, the painting will never be more than a recycled canvas – an artless piece of trash – no matter how talented the painter is.

  • The Dalema. August, 2016
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To The Someone I Used To Know

I want to say something
and I probably shouldn’t –
but I’m gonna

One day I woke up
I found myself wanting –
to be someone’s

I wanted to try something
because they told me –
‘you never know’

So I tried my best
I gave my all –
I held hope

I didn’t expect to feel
so much, so soon –
anything for anyone

Yet there I was hoping
he would heal me –
mend my broken

I thought it was something
or should I say –
I was someone’s

He made me trust him
think we were different –
like we belonged

Somehow he made it stop
my fear of heartbreak –
fear of loss

Somehow I found the strength
to be only myself –
because of ‘us’

I’ve wanted to say more
and I probably shouldn’t –
so I don’t

But I found myself praying
I woke up wishing –
there was hope

Although he decided to leave
and I’m still hurting –
I’m not afraid

I found myself missing him
and he should know –
it is ok

I need to say something
I’ve kept a secret –
but I’ll share

I once woke up smiling
thinking he might stop –
thinking of her

I may have some regrets
and I won’t mention –
he should’ve stayed

Of course I’d be lying
if I denied wishing –
somewhere, somehow, someday

I will tell you something
and I probably shouldn’t –
but I’m gonna

Today I woke up thinking
I found myself wanting –
to be someone’s

Someone who could love me
somewhere safe and warm –
sometime very soon

But the somehow was missing
the somewhere was missing –
He. Someone. You.

  • The Dalema. October 31, 2016.
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Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are

Regardless of
the few days of fun
the smiles
the laughter
being hit on
feeling beautiful
the thoughts of you I didn’t have
thinking I was ready to move on
healing

then, just like that
the little things
his big brown eyes
his laugh
his wide smile
the way he stared
how it lingered a little too long
just like you
the ones I liked
were just like you

and just like that
I realized
I wasn’t moving on
I wasn’t healing
I was searching –
for another you
and I didn’t find him.

  • The Dalema. October 30, 2016. 
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