Reflection

I used to fold my underwear
Match the linens line by line
It took a lot of time and patience
But it made me feel organized

I used to roll the windows down
Music playing, wind in my hair
I was never late or in a hurry
Nothing but smiles, no worries or cares

I used to plan out everything
Outfits, trips and my future goals
I could do anything I set my mind to
Go anywhere I wanted to go

I used to trust being ‘good’ was enough
What you give is what you receive
Keep the faith and forget the rest
Happiness would find its way to me

I used to think I’d make a difference
Leave my mark on the world someday
Changing lives and spreading love –
No one would ever forget my name

I used to believe in the believing
Winners don’t quit, cheaters never win
Love yourself and love will find you
Everything happens for a reason

Life has done so much it’s changed me –
Challenges, struggles, loss and pain
And I used to fold my underwear
But I don’t think I ever will again.

The Dalema. December 7, 2016

Dec. 1, 2016

Dear John,

These letters are written – have been written – to end relationships. They’ve been used as goodbyes. This letter, my letter Dear John, is the opposite. This letter is the only way I know how to ask you to come back. The only way I know how to tell you I need you in my life. The only way for me to know that you know I’m right here.

Every day – that’s how often you cross my mind. When something good happens I want to tell you. When something bad happens I want your advice. When something makes me laugh, I want you to experience my smile. The smile that used to be a reason behind yours. Every day I wonder how you are, what you’re doing and if you’re hurting. Not because of me, of course, but because of reasons beyond your control. Every day is another day I want to be there for you.

Dear John, please know you matter to me. You made me feel normal, wanted – beautiful and confident. You gave those gifts to me just by being you. I can’t explain it but you were my lucky charm. I felt my best knowing you were just a phone call or short drive away. I felt happiness knowing I’d see you again. You always had a way of logically reasoning with me. Making sense of things I’ve never been able to make sense of. You were the calm in my life’s storms. I miss that, I miss you. I miss our friendship. Whatever we were, whatever we weren’t – that’s all I want and I only want it with you.

So, Dear John, this letter isn’t a goodbye – it’s a plead. It’s me asking for my chance back. It’s me asking for you. Whatever’s left of you is more than enough for me.

Yours,