The Dalema

Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be


Life Lessons

Human Kind

You could be my worst enemy

You could be my best friend

You could be the love of my life

You could be the person who ripped my heart out

You could be the first person to call me fat

You could be the last person to say I’m beautiful

You could be the person who rear-ended me and destroyed my neck and back

You could be the person who let me in front of you in rush hour traffic

You could be the person who voted for someone who stands for everything I’m against

You could be the person who granted my healthcare benefits

You could be the reason I get a lower salary

You could be the reason I have a job

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you are

I will always wish you the best and show you kindness

– The Dalema. January 15, 2021.


The past is the past, but it’s hard not to carry it into your future. Just because someone did you wrong in a certain situation doesn’t mean a new person, in a similar situation, is going to do you wrong the same way. That’s what’s hard – dealing with the triggers. Noticing those red flags from before, the ones you should have seen. But now, however, they might be white flags – hell, they might not even be flags at all. They could be nothing, but our triggers might disagree and say they could be everything.

I know it’s hard not to panic when you care for someone. I know it’s hard to talk your mind out of thinking the worst. But try. Try with everything you have. Because the alarms that go off when you see those red flags could be a reason the person you care about starts having red flags about you.

Your overthinking could sabotage your current situation. You’re building something up in your mind based on what someone else did – not what this person is doing. This person isn’t that person. He isn’t him. You aren’t the same person you were back then. If he’s worth it, he will see that. If not, as hard as it hurts, it just isn’t meant to be.

So breathe. Put your mind at ease. Allow yourself a chance at happiness. Forget the flags. Your past is the past. Don’t let it destroy your future.

  • The Dalema. April 1, 2018.

A Note To The Wounded Part II

I know it’s hard. You feel empty and broken in the deepest and most sacred parts of your soul right now. You feel lost and confused – completely unwanted.

But . . .

You are loved. You will be loved in such a way by someone new, it will make you wonder why you ever thought you truly loved this person. It’s all going to get better. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day at a time.

Those deep, sacred parts of your soul you feel you’ll never get back will double in capacity. They aren’t even close to being absorbent enough to encompass all the love you’re going to receive from the person God truly wants in your life. The forever kind of love.

The path you’re on does lead to a happy place. The emptiness will subside and you will eventually feel complete again. And the right person will never, ever, ever in a million years make you feel the kind of rejection you feel right now. Give your sadness to God.

Allow yourself to feel the pain – it’s part of the healing. Just don’t drop your anchor and stay there long. Because the captain of your heart is still out at sea, fighting hell – wind and storms – to get through to find you.

  • The Dalema. October, 2016

Blank Canvas 

I think you saw their true colors but painted over them. I think you thought maybe, if you mixed your colors with theirs, the painting would be a real work of art. We do that when we love someone.

Unfortunately, I wasted a lot of time repainting. I wasted a lot of time in denial; always blaming the poor lighting or the colors I was mixing with. Then I realized something, all those times I thought I was choosing the wrong colors, but I didn’t even like my own colors. You can’t paint a beautiful picture if you hate the colors you’re working with.

So I changed my colors. I spent a lot of time staring at a lonely, blank canvas. And I threw away a lot of paintings.

I know my colors now. I know the colors that mix well with mine; anything less just won’t do. I don’t want to look down the road years from now and want to throw away the life I’ve worked so hard with my partner to paint.

Don’t be the only one painting. Love your colors. Make sure they love their own colors, too. If they don’t, if you don’t, the painting will never be more than a recycled canvas – an artless piece of trash – no matter how talented the painter is.

  • The Dalema. August, 2016

A Note To The Wounded

You and I are the same my love. Your heartbreak is severe – but I can honestly say I’ve been there.

No love is ever the same and, if it’s real love, it leaves a scar. The wound remains but the heart, over time, creates a scab. And we pick at it; we itch and wish we’d been more careful – more cautious. But ultimately the wound leaves a mark. And no matter how much anti-scar lotion we use or skin healing cream, the scar will always be there. Reminding us of something that used to cause us pain; a reminder of the love we once had.

  • The Dalema. September 14, 2016

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