Missing my boys today.

We always share the highlights. We glorify the happy moments. We sit alone when it’s dark and we smile when we don’t want anyone to see our tears. I haven’t sat in alone in sadness for a long time. And I won’t today. Today I’m sharing my darkness because I don’t want to feel alone.

Before I met these two I lived alone for 9 years. I had my pups, work, friends and family but ultimately I was alone. I felt it, I dealt with it and I managed.

I never knew how beautiful life could be until I met these two. As a woman, I work hard. I give my 40+ hours to work, I take care of all the plans and make sure the house is clean, adventures are on the calendar and our bellies always full. I am loved and I love with all I have.

I convinced myself that this time alone would be great. I could enjoy some peace and quiet! I can get the house organized, do some crafting, work out, make some freezable foods, and just relax. I’ve been doing really well at this but I will not lie – once you have this kind of love and fulfillment in your life, no matter how long you were alone before, the void is even more obvious. No matter how independent you are, you still want to share the moments of your every day with those you love.

I am an extremely lucky woman. I am an extremely strong woman. But today the house is too quiet. The house is too clean and organized. The house is too empty. I really don’t know how I lived without these two before.

I miss my boys today.

– The Dalema. September 5, 2021.