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Finding The Woman I'm Meant To Be

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Dreams

The Ding Of Hope

and still
with every text I get
and
every unknown number
I still
feel a glimpse of hope
and
then begin to wonder

if we
could have made it work
or
should have even tried
if I
meant a thing to you
or
ever cross your mind

but I
can’t compete with her
and
I don’t care to try
yet you
put me in your bed
and
let me in your life

just to
say you weren’t ready
and
you should have known better
yet I
wouldn’t take it back
and
hope you wouldn’t either

and still
every unknown number
and
every text I hear
I still
feel a glimpse of hope
and
then hope disappears.

  • The Dalema, 10.27.16
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Up, Up & Away

I’ve always deserved more than I’ve let life give me

I’m finally on the path to being the woman I was meant to be

I’m going to find her someday – and it’s going to be someday soon

I’m done sending all of my wishes up & off to the moon

– Danyle L. M. 5/26/16

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Battles with Insomnia 

The dilemma of exhaustion. Late at night, when my eyes are heavy and I should be sleeping, each blink is a battle. I’m fighting a war against my dreams – I’m fighting to stay awake. I’m terrified of my dreams – yes, my dreams – not my nightmares.

My dreams are beautiful. Filled with love, hope and warmth. Dreams of better days where I’m living in a place I love, working a career I love – in a body I love. After my perfect workday is complete, I go home to a family who is ecstatic to see me.

No, it’s not my nightmares terrifying me – it’s not nightmares keeping me awake. It’s my dreams. Because when I wake from them the next morning, I wake to the harsh reality they were only dreams; dreams in a far away place I can only go to at night while I sleep alone. When I wake up, I wake up happy and when I realize it’s not real I start the day with a broken heart.

Every night I continue my fight, the battle of insomnia. When my eyes can’t stay open any longer – when they finally give in and close – I can only wish for kindness from my subconscious mind. I can only hope it will be kind enough to allow me a nightmare, just for tonight.

  • The Dalema. February 3, 2016
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